I will leave it here...

Ah! another 'chasing pavements' moment...

Last Saturday I saw him again. You know him, and unfortunately, I knew him too well now. After I prayed and waited for the hymn singing, I looked at him at the choir loft and wondered why I liked him the way I did (and probably still do). I liked sitting next to him, I liked bringing him food and talking about trivial things, I anticipate his actions, ergo I like him. But still this does not answer the first "why".

I just couldn’t help but try to talk to him again. I know, it’s crazy and foolish and I should just stop trying to make him see me, because he wouldn't, even with his glasses on. I hate myself for trying to ask him out (yes I did it a few times). I just wanted to understand why he doesn’t want me and would not accept that it is simply that way. I even talked to him on the phone for 1 hour (again hurting myself in the process) and made a comment that I didn’t like, one after the other. I was caught several times trying hard to be agreeable and not look like I am ready to kill him.

So this evening as we talked he hit a chord on me. He told me one day I'll find someone for me and that maybe I should go and wave my passport at NAIA (Ninoy Aquino International Airport). Why did I keep him on the phone? Why do I talk to him when he irritates me with his off color jokes and insensitivity? Why do I stay and listen when all he can throw at me are cliche phrases that don't make sense?

I really should stop wondering about the "why" avoid him at all cost before I hit him with the hammer.

I knew of someone who did that before and I just don't want to be a copy cat :-)