Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Theories of Time and Space - by Natasha Trethewey

You can get there from here, though

there's no going home.

Everywhere you go will be somewhere

you've never been. Try this:

head south on Mississippi 49, one-

by-one mile markers ticking off

another minute of your life. Follow this

to its natural conclusion - dead end

at the coast, the pier at Gulfport where

riggings of shrimp boats are loose stitches

in a sky threatening rain. Cross over

the man-made beach, 26 miles of sand

dumped on a mangrove swamp - buried

terrain of the past. Bring only

what you must carry - tome of memory

its random blank pages. On the dock

where you board the boat for Ship Island,

someone will take your picture:

the photograph - who you were -

will be waiting when you return

Final Exam Questions

The CSET essay questions are not far from the preplexity of these questions. Just be thankful that, 1.you are done with college 2. your major is nursing, 3. and Your final exam will probably not include any of the questions below.

WORLD HISTORY
Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America, and Africa. Be brief and concise, yet specific.

ASTRONOMY
Define the universe; give three examples.

MEDICINE
You will be provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your work has been inspected. You have 15 minutes.

COMPUTER SCIENCE
Write a fifth-generation computer language. Using this language, create a computer program to finish the rest of this exam for you.

PUBLIC SPEAKING
Twenty-five hundred riot-crazed aborigines are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin, Hebrew, or Greek.

CIVIL ENGINEERING
This is a practical test of your design and building skills. With the boxes of toothpicks and glue present, build a platform that will support your weight when you and your platform are suspended over a vat of nitric acid.

MECHANICAL ENGINEERING
The disassembled parts of a howitzer have been placed in a box on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In 10 minutes a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel is appropriate. Be prepared to justify your decision.

ELECTRICAL ENGINEERING
You will be placed in a nuclear reactor and given a partial copy of the electrical layout. The electrical system has been tampered with. You have seventeen minutes to find the problem and correct it before the reactor melts down.

BIOLOGY
Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500,000 years earlier, with special attention to the probable effect, if any, on the Philippine social spectrum circa 1640. Prove your thesis.

RELIGION
Perform a miracle. Creativity will be judged.

MUSIC
Write a full piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with a flute and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.

LOGIC
Take a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of your position.

CHEMISTRY
You must identify a poison sample which you will find at your lab table. All necessary equipment has been provided. There are two beakers at your desk, one of which holds the antidote. If the wrong substance is used, it causes instant death. You may begin as soon as the professor injects you with a sample of the poison.

PSYCHOLOGY
Based on your knowledge of their early works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisias, Ramses II, Gregory of Nicea, and Hammurabi. Support your evaluations with quotations from each man's work, making appropriate references. Translate all quotations in Tagalog.

SOCIOLOGY
Identify the sociological problems which might be associated with the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your theory.

ECONOMICS
Describe in four hundred words or less what you would have done to prevent the Great Depression.

MATHEMATICS
You have 60 seconds to mentally solve the mathematical problem below. Begin.


8,256.091 + _________ - ________ x ________ ¸ ________ = -38.07623



(Bonus question: Why is 11 not pronounced onety one? Provide a full numerical analysis in justifying your answer.)

POLITICAL SCIENCE
There is a red telephone on the desk beside you. Start World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects, if any.

ART
Given one eight-count box of crayons and three sheets of notebook paper, recreate the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. Skin tones should be true to life.

PHYSICS
Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an in-depth evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics on science.

METAPHYSICS
Describe in detail the nature of life after death. Test your hypothesis.

PHILOSOPHY
Sketch the development of human thought. Estimate its significance. Compare with the development of any other kind of thought.

GENERAL KNOWLEDGE
Describe in detail. Be objective and specific.

Friday, August 08, 2008

Young Writers' Sample

"Takunuva, would you reshingle my roof?" Scott asked.

- Third Grader.

*****************************

In the far reaches of the arctic circle, a little girl and a baby penguin sat huddled together...

- Fourth Grader

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Asya Kazanci's Personal Manifesto of Nihilism

Article Ten: If you find a dear friend, make sure you don't get so accustomed to him/her as to forget that in the end, each one of us is existentially lonely and that sooner or later the everlasting solitude will overtake any fortuitous friendships.

- Excerpt from the Bastard of Istanbul by Elif Shafak