Inside Out- Sara Bareilles

"Inside Out"

I've been winding
Down the same road for days
I've seen the coastline
Going both ways
Some days are perfect
And some simply could not get worse
Some days it's all worth it
And some days this life is nothing but a curse

And I wonder who will break first

I am small
I feel like no more than nothing at all
But when I lose sight of daylight
And my darkness falls
I'll be strong
And if not now it won't be long
From when I lose sight of daylight
And my hands are weak
And my soul is tired
Oh, I'll give my love from the inside out
From the inside out

Little spirit
Now don't you desert me now
I know I don't always hear it
You don't always speak so loud
And I'm not willing
To simply lay down my soul for this
It may be all that I'm giving
But take my love for what it is

I am small
I feel like no more than nothing at all
But when I lose sight of daylight
And my darkness falls
I'll be strong
And if not now it won't be long
From when I lose sight of daylight
And my hands are weak and my soul is tired
Oh, I'll give my love from the inside out

Take your best shot
Here I stand, heart in hand
And fearless I'm not
But I am what I am
And I know what I'm not
And I know enough to know it's never
Gonna be much more than weather
You can't drive me away
When it's only rain
On the inside
It's only rain
From the inside
It's only rain
From the inside
It's only rain
From the inside
From the inside out
I am small
From the inside out
I am small

Summer 2010 Reading List

Every year I create a list of books that I wanted to read for the summer, and every year I have this long list that keeps getting longer. It is customary for me to only read half of the list.
So this year I decided to just put a few in my list and then read whatever comes accross my radar.

1. Purple Hisbiscus
2. Ilustrado - Miguel Syjuco
3. The Complete CS Lewis Signature Classics - C.S Lewis

Looks easy enough.

Responsible- By Sara Bareilles

"Responsible"

Bound for the blessing
You wouldn't see it coming
I keep you guessing
Watch while you come undone

You were an island
No one would dare to tread upon
I came in like the wise men
Ask you to take my gift of love

Hold me responsible
It's all my fault, I want
You to hold me any way you can
Hold me accountable
It's all my fault, I want
You to hold me any way you can

Careful confessions
Can't scare you with my crime
I learned my lesson
Love you a little at a time

Losing my patience
Getting acquainted with the edge
Ready and waiting
Happy to stand convicted

Hold me responsible
It's all my fault, I want
You to hold me any way you can
Hold me accountable
It's all my fault, I want
You to hold me any way you can

I can't change you
When you won't change yourself
See you slowly becoming someone else
I can't blame you for the strength you lack
Scared to give me what you may not get back

Hold me responsible
It's all my fault, I want
You to hold me any way you can
Hold me responsible
It's all my fault, I want
You to hold me any way you can
Hold me accountable
It's all my fault, I want
You to hold me any way you can
Anyway you can

*****
COMMENTARY:

Another great song from Sara Bareilles. Why do I think it's great? Well, because it captures a snipet of my life, I feel like this song is for me in some way. Very self-centered but I believe that is how most people hear the songs they come to enjoy and love. It reverberates to them, resonates to their deepest longings.

Taking Chances

Magical!

Pare, nakainom ka ba?

Kinse ang online o, at kilala ko sila lahat. Hindi lang sa kilala ko sa internet chat room or sa facebook. Inisa isa ko ang mga pangalan, talagang wala akong gustong kausapin. Ganon ba talaga pag tumatanda na? Para kasing napakalayo nang panahon ko sila nakasama, parang hindi na nga totoo.
So nag log out na lang ako, tapos ko naman nang burahin yung mga junk mail. At nasagot ko na rin ang mga email na mahalaga. Nakakatawa lang isipin, na sa labing lima na tao na siguro'y nakikipag-usap rin kung kanikanino, ni wala manlang akong kinausap. Ang totoo kasi, ayoko rin naman makipagusap. Kahit kanino. Minsan kasi merong mga pag-uusap na natatapos lamang sa kalituan at sobrang pag-iisip. Lito na ako at sobrang mapag-isip.
Inisip ko yung taong gusto ko laging kausap. Hindi naman kasi sya nakikipagchat. Naisip ko rin kung naiisip nya rin ba ako? Nakatunganga ba sya sa cellphone nya at iniisip kung tatawagan ba nya ako? Nagtatanong lang naman. Sino ba naman ako para isipin nya? Magkaibigan lang naman kami. May buhay sya doon sa kabilang baryo, at abala rin naman ako sa buhay ko dito. Masyado lang ako sigurong umaasa.

Biglang umilaw ang cell phone ko. Naka-slient kasi. At sa malalaking letra lumabas ang pangalan nya. Wala naman akong palayaw sa kanya kaya sinulat ko na lang pati apelyido. Sa ganung paraan pwede kong pagpantasyahan na balang araw magiging apelyido ko rin ang apelyido nya.

"Hello?" ang sabi ko.
"Anong ginagawa mo?" tanong nya. Parang masaya ang boses nya, hindi kaya sya nakainom?
"Wala lang, eto nagsusulat." Ang sabi ko. Ang totoo dalawang oras na akong palipat-lipat sa Mafia Wars at Cafe World, kung saan mabilis akong yumaman at ang problema ko lang ay pagnaubusan ng energy o kulang ang stove.
"May pasok ka ba bukas?" Tanong nya. "Gusto mo bang pumunta sa Half Moon Bay?"
"Ay may pasok ako eh" Sabi ko. Sayang talaga. Pero teka, gusto ba nya akong i-date? DATE NA BA ITO???
"Ah ok. Eh sa Miyerkules?" Tanong nya ulit.
"O... yeah sige punta tayo." Ang sabi ko naman.
"O sige, kita na lang tayo!" sabi nya. Buti na lang hindi nya sinabing, "Hanggang Sa muli!".
Teka, so inimbita nya ako sa Half Moon Bay, para saan? Tatawag ako sana ulit, pero nahiya na ako. Nakainom lang ba ito?
Pero talagang hindi ito umiinom eh.

Call and Answer - BNL

You shall not hurt me again

I woke up at 4:00 am and she was still in my mind.
My eyes drifted to my table to her letter. I don't want to read it again. I know I shouldn't and so I kept my head on my pillow and closed my eyes.
It's amazing how at the same time I realized how self-absorbed she is, I also admitted to myself that no one can replace her. I'll never love the same way again.
So this is how it feels to get my heartbroken repeatedly, pummeled several pieces and when I thought I can nurse my wounds and finally heal, here it goes again.

All she ever thought about is herself. What she needed, what she wanted. What was my sin? I was with her for more than half of my life. How can I forget? How can I move on? The saddest moment was realizing she never

She'll never hurt me again, I vowed to myself. She can't come near my heart again. The bludgeoning stops now.

I got up, went to the bathroom and splashed water on my face. I looked at my eyes, blood shot from crying and my scarlet nose. I have to stand tall from this, I tell myself. There is no other alternative. The proverbial "Sink or Swim".

She never loved me. I just happened to be there for the last ten years to hold her and be with her, but I was deluding myself.

The hurting should stop now, I thought as I cold water from the shower poured on my face. I have to get out of here.

Intermission

Multiplying from now on.

Sayonara!

Think about it...

"Now go, sleep on it, think about it" she said, as I hurriedly stuff everything in my rolling bag. Even student teachers get to be on the behavior chart too, I thought. It's been six weeks of being with little seven-year-olds and it is still an uphill battle.
I imagined myself as a ypimg padwan learner, under the tuteledge of an experienced Jedi master. Last phase and the begining of a new hope.
One thing I didn't take into consideration when I choose teaching as profession is how much my own flaws get magnified to myself and *gasp* whoever else that I encounter. I've learned early on that just as dogs, children can smell fear and ill-preparedness. Yet unlike dogs, children are merciless. Now I've realized their power to stir my emotions by just looking at me.

Think about it, she said. The words still rings in my head. Maybe it wasn't really a rebuke but more a gentle reminder from a caring master to stand still and let the Force permeate my skin and tell me what to do.

For Good - Kristin Chenoweth